I have thought hard about whether this post should go up on my blog or not for two reasons; it’s quite personal and it goes against a couple of the blog posts I’ve previously written. However, despite that I feel that it’s an important post to write because my circumstances have changed and it’s all because of mental health!
I’ve left university. I completed two years of a three year degree and I got a decent mark at the end of those two years. I haven’t even taken an interruption, I have well and truly left.
I know that many people will be wondering why and I’m pretty sure that a lot of people will be judging me for it, and I don’t mean in a good way. The way that my family have reacted and supported me with this decision, that was not taken lightly and also not made quickly, has been amazing and I can’t thank them enough. My friends have had mixed reactions but I know that a lot of them don’t understand, therefore I’m going to explain it for you.
Returning to Manchester was never going to be an easy or happy occasion for me because I was going back to the place and situations that cause my Anxiety to rear it’s ugly head in the first place. Unless you’ve experienced mental health problems you’ll find it difficult to understand how much of an effect simple things can have on the mind although to some extent this is something that many can relate to. Within a few days I was on edge, miserable and dreading the next year of my life and by the middle of the first week of lectures I had spent 6 hours in bed in the middle of the day, missing meals and feeling depressed. This was the turning point. I was making myself ill by being in Manchester and putting myself back onto a course that brought such horrible feelings with it for me. Imagine coming back from every lecture all year with a splitting headache and a sore throat. Could you manage a week? A month? A year? I came back from lectures with a mind thinking that I’d never be happy again and knots in my stomach that made me want to curl up in bed and sleep all day. I survived two lectures before I broke down to my mum and my housemate.
Those who don’t see anything other than the Kerry that leaves the house and faces the world won’t understand. However those that have lived with me will understand. They understand because they’ve seen what it did to me. Equally, they understand that leaving university has been the best decision I’ve made in years because to quote my mum ‘Happy, cheery Kerry is back, she’s been gone for 15 months!’
I don’t regret this decision for a second and to anybody that disagrees, I’ll leave you with this quote:
Success is not the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success.
After so long, I’m finally happy. What will I do next? Who knows, but I cannot wait to find out!